There is so much that can be talked about here and so much that I have already talked about. I don’t believe that there is only one thing that if you do this then your marriage will succeed but it takes a combination of things. Marriage takes work, a lot of work but it is well worth it.
If you haven’t read Why Do Christian Marriages Fail? part one then be sure to go do that first.
Another issue is addictions. This really is a big one because when you have addictions it takes from your spiritual growth. You can only grow so much when your mind has been taken over from your addictions.
It really doesn’t matter if the addictions are alcohol, drugs, sex, food etc… What does matter is letting God handle those addictions. I have had many addictions over 19 years. From age 17 until age 36. Granted there were times throughout that period where I didn’t use but it was far and in between. For the most part, I was always on something! I have been 100% sober since Dec. 26th, 2007 and it has been AWESOME! God healed me almost 10 years ago!
My mind was consumed with the next high. It didn’t matter how I got it I just had to have it. That’s why over the years my addictions moved to many different things but all with the same result, a feeling of emptiness.
Please, whatever your stronghold is give it to God now because he can heal you. Don’t let another day go by with you dealing with it alone. God can wipe it clean. God may take it from you completely or he might use a program to do it. Either way you need to figure out where God is leading you on this issue.
The last issue I will talk about and of course there are many other issues but this is the biggest issue of them all. It is keeping your marriage Christ-Centered. Yes, I know I am speaking to Christians here but many don’t have their marriage centered around Christ. Many couples work God around their life instead of working their life around Go and there is a HUGE difference!
When you have 2 people in a marriage and both are pursuing God together on a daily basis, nothing or no one can stop them! The key is together and daily. I hear many people teach that a married couple should do their own devotion time. I have to disagree with this to a point!
I know many people won’t believe what I am saying but yes I believe the main devotion time should be done together. Does this mean that they should not seek God in solitude? Of course not but what I am saying is the togetherness is where it is at. I truly believe that how much time you spend in solitude with God, you should spend equally if not more with your spouse and God.
Again, I know this advice isn’t what you are used to but as Dr. Phil says “How’s that working for you?” Before you say I am wrong, ask yourself what if I am right? My wife and I have been married for over 15 years now and we spend 24/7 together with the exception of less than 2000 hours in those years.
I know one of the things we have solid ground on is spending time with God together. I can’t emphasize this more. God wants us as married couples to grow in Christ TOGETHER! He also wants us Christians in church every week, I truly believe that. I used to say that you do not have to go to church to be a Christian but I have come to realize how off that statement was for years. A solid church can change everything for you. You have to find a bible based church that you and your spouse not only can grow in but also participate in too!
Think about it this way. Many people show the triangle with God on top and husband and wife at the other corners. They show that when the two of you grow toward God, you also in turn grow closer together. Here is what they leave out on that chart. If one of you is growing towards God but the other isn’t, you are actually growing further apart.
I also believe that should read marriage books and listen to marriage sermons together and discuss because the more you saturate your mind and spirit with marriage study, the strong your intimacy will grow.
After you read this just make a triangle and see for yourself. This is one of the reasons why I believe that a husband and wife need that devotion time together. It creates a togetherness that nothing can stop. God says for us to become one but if we are always doing our own things including devotion time then we are not in oneness but living independently.
Do you know why it is so hard for people not to live as independent people? We are so brainwashed all of our lives that we have to be independent. Parents tell us be sure you can make it on your own. Never depend on a spouse. Society really pushes this on us all and I am not saying this is bad but here is what happens; we get married with this mindset instead of the mindset of living interdependently and we destroy the marriage.
Marriage is about two people living as interdependent people not independent. It is all about interdependence. When was the last time someone taught about interdependence within a marriage? I haven’t heard that much at all.
Most teach being independent. It is wrong teaching in my eyes.. You may not agree with this and that’s fine. You can just take what you agree with that I write and disregard what you don’t. But if it makes a little sense then try and work on this.
If you have a family then you also need family devotion time. It is very important in helping your child grow. You may be asking but how am I going to find all this time? That is why in Part One I talked about working too much. When you balance your life and work on working less so that you can spend that time with your family, you will have all the extra time you need.
If you are working 60-80 hours a week or more then guess what? You will not have the time to take my advice. The question then becomes what are you going to do about it? God may be challenging you right now by trying to open your heart to what I am saying.
We have to take our country back for God but we aren’t going to do it unless first we can create an environment where our families can flourish. If all of us can set that example of families flourishing then others will want to know how we are doing it. Then we can explain exactly how including talking to them about Christ and how he is the center of our marriages and families.
Will all this be hard? Yes it will and the enemy will tell you that it is too much or this is stupid or you can’t have that kind of family. I am telling you now, DO NOT believe that. Listen to what God is trying to speak to you about right now and then follow through.
WOW, has this been a heck of a blog post for me to write. I didn’t realize it was going to be 2 parts and really still didn’t do each thing justice including not hitting some topics. Down the road I might hit some of these points I made in their own blog post but for now this will have to do.
I know this may have been a lot for you to take in as both of the blog posts were kind of long. I hope you stuck it out with me. If you want to know some details on what exactly you can do then check out our Inspired Marriage Plan that we created a couple of years ago. If you follow this for 40 days then we know in our hearts that your marriage will CHANGE!
That marriage plan is something that we did ourselves. You may think it is overboard but we set it up to help you grow your mind, body and spirit. Unless you work all those areas nothing will change permanently.
Ask God if this marriage challenge is something that he wants you to do. Don’t commit to it unless he guides you to do it. We only want people doing this who God wants there. We realize that there are many resources and maybe he wants you to do something else because of where your heart is at this very moment.
Also, ask God to open your heart to what I have said and to show you what he wants for your marriage. Ask him to heal your marriage right now so that you can have a clean slate from this point. Don’t go anywhere until you can have a clean slate from God and your spouse.
Ask God to help you and your spouse grow in the areas that you need and to guide you to where he wants you as a couple to go. Now GO!!!
Living an Inspired Marriage,
Chris Benton
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