A lot of people don’t realize that cheating usually starts with a cup of coffee or lunch at work with someone. This will be the scenario I use as this example happens a lot but you can use any example as the emotions part is all the same no matter where it starts. It is where two friends of the opposite sex sit down over lunch or coffee and then build a small bond. They keep doing that from time to time. Now they start telling intimate details of their relationships because think that the other person can help them.
It is where two friends of the opposite sex sit down over lunch or coffee and then build a small bond. They keep doing that from time to time. Now they start telling intimate details of their relationships because think that the other person can help them.
At this point, emotions start to happen. This is where the bond of the two starts to happen. This is where things will start to spiral out of control because now the husband is sharing private matters with someone that is not his spouse and the other person will try to help or tell him that you deserve better even though she only hears one side.
As they become closer and closer, now hands will touch from time to time. This is a way to see how close each other can get until the day they finally cross the physical line and kiss.
At this point, they probably back away but now their minds can’t stop thinking about the kiss they just encountered. They stay away for a short period of time, but they may work together so they have no choice to spend time together.
Here it is, you have a husband or wife that at work has someone talking nicely to them while at the same time on the homefront their spouse is always putting them down.
They now start to have coffee again and now it moves faster because they already crossed the kissing line so crossing that line now becomes easier. What people don’t realize is when you have done wrong, it becomes easier to do wrong again, especially if you don’t pull yourself from that situation.
So now they kiss again but this time, they may have found a place to be alone. They will do this for a short period of time until they can’t take the fantasy anymore and have to make the sex a reality! They either get a room or go to one of each other’s places.
The first time the cheating happens they feel guilty but at this point they think they are in love with each other so they continue this cheating until something in their life has to stop them.
This, my friends, is how cheating in most cases starts. It is always innocent. It always starts small without you realizing it. This is why you have to already have in place boundaries, because without them, you will fall.
This scenario happens more often than you may think. If you become attracted to a co-worker in an emotional way, then it is time for you to leave that job. I know you may say but you will take a pay cut. Is your marriage worth that pay cut? I know mine is, so that is why we keep boundaries within our marriage that do NOT allow people of the opposite sex to get to close to us. We realize that under the right circumstances anyone can fall.
The Bible clearly states to FLEE sexual immorality! Don’t even allow the temptation to be there. When that temptation happens then it is time to change that situation and sometimes the only way to change it is to take yourself away from that situation!
I hope you can see how all of this works together because it is the enemy that attacks marriages. He is the one that nudges you slightly for that coffee or lunch.
By the way, this can include chatting online or anything like that. This is not just about having coffee, I only used that as an example because that is how many affairs started.
In our social media world, many are starting online now. You have to have boundaries there too because the enemy is ready to drive a wedge between you and your spouse by getting your mind on another person. It does not take much, especially when you are having struggles at home so stay alert!
This post is just a warning because we don’t want to see you cross that sacred line. The day will come when it comes out and even if your spouse forgives you, the odds that your marriage will survive are slim! Very few marriages will survive after an encounter like that so this is why you need to work on not having that issue.
People don’t plan on having an affair but they don’t plan not to either. You have to have a plan of action in life and marriage is no different. if you just say I won’t cheat then the odds are that is not enough. You have to set practical boundaries that both you and your spouse agree on and live up to those boundaries.
When you are at the edge of those boundaries there should be some kind of warning light that happens inside your head saying STOP! When you feel like that you need to listen because most people will ignore that warning. If you have created a plan with boundaries when you rub against a boundary you can stop and listen because you have planned all of this out!
If you want to affair-proof your marriage then you have to find a way to create an environment where affairs can’t happen within your marriage because you have created so many boundaries that no one of the opposite sex can get through!
Living an Inspired Marriage,
Chris Benton
P.S. This was written a few years ago but still stands for the most part except you can add social media into the mix now then that leads to lunch and things.
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