You always read marriage books that claim husbands don’t really like to talk but is that true? I don’t believe so. men and women just speak in different terms for the most part. There are always exceptions but men see big picture things where women see details. Yes sometimes this is opposite but for the most part this is true in most marriages.
When women come to their husbands to talk about what happened that day or some of the mundane things that are going, sometimes they grumble. I am not saying its right but its not that they don’t like to talk.
You see, we need both the mundane and the vision to keep life alive and yes to keep marriage alive too.
If you come to him and share your hopes, desires and dreams for the future, now you are talking his language. Now he will open up more because he can relate to this.
Do you remember when the two of you were dating and both of you held pretty good conversations and now you say WOW who did I marry? We used to talk but now he just seems to not want to talk about anything.
What did you talk about when you were dating? Did you talk about the details of life? Did you talk about the mundane things in life? I bet you didn’t. In fact I bet you talked about the future quite a bit? I bit you talked about where both of you were going and trying to figure out how to go together? I bet you talked about hope, desires and dreams.
I know you as a wife love to talk about hopes, desires and dreams too just like men, its just God wired most men to be turned on with passion on the vision side of things.
How many times has your husband came to you and said this is what he sees? he lays out a vision and you start to bring in the details on how that is either possible or may be impossible? When you do that you crush him. You crush the kind of person that God created him to be. You take the breath away of his identity because God created him to see the big picture.
As a wife, where do you fit in? I mean the details really do matter don’t they? You can’t create the future without the details of how you get there right?
You are right and this is why God brought you into his life. Its the same reason why God brought Sandy into my life. She helps counter my vision because you have to have both. She helps me see the details that need to be done while I stretch her vision. Its a win-win for both of us and it will be for both of you.
If the two of you are opposite of what I am talking about then this still matters because God wired you this way. God brings two people together who are different so that they compliment each other. In doing so, they can become the “ONE” in marriage that God called them to be.
Many times although I see the big picture, when Sandy comes to me with some details, I have to suck in my ego to listen to her because I married a great woman with insights from God and husbands, you did too! God gave your wife insights that maybe you don’t see and this is why the two of you are together.
Do you know what makes this even more powerful? When you both are on the same page going in the same direction. Sandy and I know where we are going and we have one purpose within our marriage that we feel God is leading us towards. Everything we do from vision to details has to move us closer to that purpose or we just don’t do it.
Because we are going in the same direction with the same purpose, we have so much to talk about. We never run out of things to talk about. Yes we talk about the mundane things too as we have to but I get turned on when we move beyond the mundane and talk about the future and visionary things.
So it’s not that men don’t like to talk, you as a wife just need to come at hum with his kind of language. Men, it’s not that your wife is into too many details and seems negative, its her kind of talk. Both of you need to come together and help feed into how God wired each other and you will see a marriage with a ton of talking. You can’t stop it when its working right!
One last thing, if you have a husband who wont talk about hopes, desires or dreams even though he used to, you may have a husband who lost hope. God can restore that! Where there is hope in the future, there is power in the present!
Living an Inspired Marriage,