Some say Sandy and I are lucky. I guess a part of that is correct. We are lucky that we both are checked in BUT we are not lucky to have the kind of marriage that we have because we put a ton of daily work into it.Marriage takes work if you don’t want an average marriage. Yes you can go at the beginning with not much work as they say the honeymoon stage and thrive but keeping the honeymoon stage won’t happen for the long haul by itself. It takes work to create that kind of marriage! And don’t listen to what people say, you can stay passionate in marriage, you can keep the honeymoon phase going the rest of your life. It just takes WORK!
Sandy and I never wanted an average marriage so we were and are always willing to work to have an extraordinary one! We always wanted an extraordinary one.
You might be asking what is the work? It’s not just a date night a week that is for sure. I never understand how people can spend hours a week in school to learn a trade. Spend hours a week in study to keep their career going. Spend hours a week mingling or networking so that they can advance their career BUT feel a 2 hour date night a week is enough.
Guess what, it’s NOT! You have to study your spouse. You have to listen and watch marriage things. You have to read marriage and communication books. You have to do the same things that you do to advance your career and apply it to your marriage. You have to go pro in your marriage! You have to attend marriage events, conferences and retreats too!
If you do an hour of personal development a day then you should also do an hour a day of marriage development. It’s all about growth and priorities.
You say too much work? Then stay average but if you want something extraordinary, it’s going to take work, its going to take sacrifice but its oh so worth it.
You have to learn to communicate. You have to learn each others past pain. You have to learn the ins and outs of marriage and this is a lifetime commitment as both of you grow together.
You have to learn what God wants with your marriage. there is some purpose that he has for the both of you to do together to honor him. You have to find that.
All this takes work and its work that you will do the rest of your lives. The great thing is once you get to a certain point, the work is easily maintained each day. It’s when you get behind where you have not done much in years that the work load will be heavy to build that intimacy.
You have to learn to talk about your hopes, dreams, desires and even fears. This is where you build true intimacy. get fully naked with your spouse so that the two of you can have a closeness that you have never experienced in your life. Many people don’t realize that a passive marriage leads to a passionless marriage! being proactive in marriage changes that and brings passion back into your marriage!
If both of you do the work, an extraordinary marriage is within you! Go find it and nurture it, you will never regret that!
You can GO PRO in your marriage!
Living an Inspired Marriage,
Chris Benton
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I am co-founder of Inspired Marriage. I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me Dec 26th, 2007. The first 5 years of our marriage was hell because of my addictions. With Sandy's patience, I was able to allow God to work in me and we have been growing spiritually together ever since! Oct 5th, 2023 was 21 years of marriage and it's been an inspired one!
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