Sometimes it’s hard even for ministry leaders to walk that straight & narrow line! As I look around I have watched so many people get lured into ministry for all the wrong reasons. Yes they may started out with the right mentality but somewhere along of the they got led astray by the seduction of ministry.
They didn’t place proper boundaries or guardrails around their family life and destroyed everything around them in the pursuit of their calling.
My focus will on this article will try and bring this home from a marriage & ministry point of view although no matter who you are whether single or married, the seduction is real and it will take over your life.
As Sandy & I are trying to grow our little marriage ministry “Inspired Marriage”, we understand the pitfalls of ministry before we are big and thats a good thing. I would rather learn from other peoples experiences than to fall myself and have to learn from that.
- The Seduction of Money – When a ministry becomes big, money starts to play a role. So many ministry leaders are living large off the ministry in today’s time. Now I am not against ministry leaders making money. Some people are against that but that’s not me.
I know people who write books and do speaking engagements and thats where 90% or more of their personal income comes from and I am OK with that but the seduction is still there and you have to be careful that you are in ministry for the right reasons.
In fact I believe pastors should do things like write because the day could come when leaders in their church tries to push them out for no reason except to get someone younger. It’s always good to have an income outside the ministry. I have seen some who don’t take a ministry income because their books support them. Thats awesome to me for those that have the ability to do that. Not everyone has that ability. There is no right or wrong on this part. It’s i your heart that matters.
But maybe your ministry has started seeing donations come in millions a year or even a month and you are making say $50,000 a year but feel you should be paid more because you are envious of the leaders who are in other churches & ministries. Sometimes that can be a seduction as you don’t feel you are paid enough so you try to override your board of directors and if that doesn’t work, you start to steal a little here and there until the day it all comes crashing down.
Sometimes you may have a bigger income and it still is not enough to you. Either way, greed starts to creep into your heart and you start to run your ministry more like a hardcore business instead of trying to listen to the Holy Spirit. Everything starts to change within you and money takes over your life.
– - The Seduction of Time – This is a HUGE one in ministry. The person running the ministry feels they need to be the one who does everything because this is their baby. Or they need to be there for anyone who needs their help because they have been called by God for this ministry.
I have seen pastors fall because of this. I have seen ministry leaders fall because of this. They are working 60-70 and even 80 hours a week but calling it God’s work while destroying their own family. They are helping everyone but sacrificing their own family.
I was listening to a conference video recently by Jennie Allen called “Driven Vs. Called”. It was powerful! She told a story about her son and her were talking about spiritual things and he said I just never know if I am speaking to Ministry mom or just mom? BOOM! That was a wakeup call for her. In fact it happened the day of that even so she changed her message.
That is what I am talking about, you basically have become your ministry. You don’t know when to turn ministry of. You don’t know when to stop and YES I know we all have to always be thinking of ministry but sometimes you just need to be mom or dad, brother or sister, son or daughter, friend or co-worker etc…
– - The Seduction of Pride – This is a really big one because pride always comes before the fall. Sometimes leaders become prideful because so many people around them lift them up like a God.
You may be doing a great thing for God but sometimes the lure of that destroys your life because you want that attention. You start to expect & strive for that attention no matter where it comes from.
It can even turn you away from your spouse because you have all these men or women uplifting you so much that you start to believe their praises. You start to question your marriage because your spouse doesn’t seem to uplift you like these other people do.
You start to believe the lie that satan tells you that you can get better even though God brought you and your spouse together. You start to believe wow all this attention, why can’t my spouse understand me like these people who don’t know me understand me.
– - The Seduction of Self-Worth – This is where your worth becomes tied to your ministry. You will start to become overwhelmed and overworked because all your life you have been an outcast or just never felt like you are enough. You get full satisfaction in pursuing your calling. You have a sense of accomplishment and worthiness from your ministry.
Instead of getting your worth from God, you are now getting it from your ministry. because of that, you start to work more and more spending less time with your family. This kind of goes along with time but a little different because in your heart you feel worthless.
Your ministry becomes that Joy in your life. it becomes your mistress. You have abandoned your family for this mistress. Your spouse feels like they are married & lonely and your kids start to not know who you are anymore.
This seduction becomes everything because your worth is tied to your ministry instead of in Christ!
– - The Seduction of Becoming God – This goes along with pride too. You start to believe unless people go through your ministry, they can’t be helped. You are the ONLY ministry that can help them. Your ministry has become your God.
You start seeing so many lives change because of God but you are saying it’s because of your ministry or because of you. Your ministry has replaced God.
I have seen this open over and over. How many programs have you seen that tell people you need this program to stay focused? If you move away from the program, you may fall as they say.
I will give an example, please hear me out before you get upset. I do think AA & Celebrate Recovery does some great things and God has used both of those organizations to help people become sober.
But what I have seen is sometimes those organizations replace God. They become God in peoples lives. I know people that have been going every week for 20 years who say if they miss a day, they may fall. Is God not helping you stay sober? Is your dependence on the program or on God?
I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me over 11 years ago. It is him who I rely on not a program. Again, sometimes God will use a program to build in you the foundation you need to thrive without the addictions. So I am not against the programs as long as the programs have not replaced God in your life! Only you can answer that.
We will have programs that help marriages but we hope that our programs will enhance the couples marriages by helping them see that it’s always about God. If we don’t point them to God through what we deliver then we didn’t do our job as ministry leaders!
I know as this marriage ministry grows, we will have deal with all those same kinds of issues that other ministry leaders have to deal with. The seduction is real because it’s your baby. Its what you have been called to do.
Always remember though your first ministry is always your marriage. You have to protect that first. God expects that of you and your spouse. he expects you to create time for each other. He expects you to devote to your spouse even if that means taking some from ministry.
You will either sacrifice your marriage or you will sacrifice your ministry or calling. There is no way to have that perfect balance. You have to make the choice to place boundaries and guardrails so that you don’t sacrifice the family.
Anytime you get sucked into these, your family loses big time. Your spouse loses. Your kids lose. You lose because you become like a God. You replace God with yourself and the EGO steps in to push everyone away and destroy anything around you that matters.
The boundaries should be discussed between you and your spouse. No one can make those for you but you have to make them or the day will come when you fall & you’ll look back and say why didn’t I listen years ago?
You will have driven your marriage so far off the path that it will take the miracle of God to even save it! Don’t let your marriage get there.
There is so much more I could write on this issue but I think you get the point. Running a ministry can be seductive and you have to lay a foundation so that you are not sucked into that seduction! We all have the ability to fall but when you stay centered on God, you can finish strong God’s way in this life!
Living an Inspired Marriage
Chris Benton
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