How Have You Labeled Your Spouse?

Some people may say that I have not labeled my spouse, but is that really true? I think we all do it to some extent. It can even be a good label, but either way, we label without realizing it. It’s when those labels don’t uplift that can lead a marriage down the wrong path.

How do labels hurt your marriage? How you label your spouse will be the lens through which you view your spouse. You can try all day long to see them differently than the label you put on them, but you can’t do that. It’s just like how you behave in the manner you see yourself.

Many times we choose a label, and our spouse lives up to it because that’s all we see. So then we think, ‘See, I knew they were like that or would do this. I knew all along they would act like this.’

Sometimes labels can come from our own insecurities. You see other people through the lens you see yourself. So if you see someone as angry, even though they are not, it’s because you are deeply hurt inside.

In the first five years of our marriage, Sandy could have labeled me so many things because of my addictions. She didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated her. She didn’t sign up for this kind of marriage, but she stood strong when I couldn’t. She always uplifted me, no matter what I did. She always told me how great I was and loved me in spite of my addictions.

Through the years, as we have told our story, sometimes people would say, ‘Oh, Sandy allowed you to walk over her.’ But that’s just not true! They never understood that she allowed me to experience God’s pure love through her. It was her pure heart that allowed God to work on my heart. It was her pure heart that allowed me to become the man God wanted me to be and the husband that Sandy needed me to be.

You see, she could have labeled me so many things those beginning years, but she chose to label me as a child of God who just needed love. She chose to label me as someone who needed the grace that she could offer. She chose to label me as a hurting human being because she realized that hurt people hurt people.

I am thankful to this day, as we have been married for over 18 years now, that she never labeled me with the wrong intentions because if she had, we would be divorced today and not have our two kids who are nine and two since I have been sober for over 13 years.

As you read this, please don’t think I am saying to overlook your spouse if they are cheating or physically abusing you because if you do, you missed the whole point of this post. I am just saying that your marriage will be as good or as bad as the labels you attach to it! Your spouse will live up to or down to your label!

Keep an eye on the labels you give your spouse from this point, and you can change the whole direction of your marriage!

Living a God-Inspired Marriage,

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Chris Benton

I am co-founder of Inspired Marriage. I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me Dec 26th, 2007. The first 5 years of our marriage was hell because of my addictions. With Sandy's patience, I was able to allow God to work in me and we have been growing spiritually together ever since! Oct 5th, 2023 was 21 years of marriage and it's been an inspired one!